In second year you really find out who your friends are. Over summer friends drop like flies even though you all promised to see & visit each other over the summer. That never happens and before you know it you stop texting each other, and when September rolls around you're sitting on your own in lectures or with people who made an effort with you rather than one sided selfish friendships. During first year there was only a few assignments that came towards the end of May.
In second year the work load doubles and assignments are due before and after Christmas as well as throughout the year. In second year I had twice as much reading and twice as many essays. In first year I had to write 2 500 word essays and 3 2,000-3,000 word essays and two exams. Second year I had 8 essays a presentation and two exams. I had to read two books a week or a book and a play a week, as well as critical material which was 2 journal articles at least. I couldn't keep up with the reading and not even spark notes could save my soul. I wrote essays on things I hadn't read because I simply did not have time to read a 300 page book. That would take me at least a week to read (I'm dyslexic and reading at any faster a pace I wouldn't understand what was happening). I had to plan essays and assignments months in advance and I'd complete essays 3 weeks before deadlines because I needed to thoroughly check and redraft like 10 times. I have to plan ahead with my dyslexia there are so many proof reads and restructurings that if I only gave myself a couple of days it wouldn't be good enough. So I secluded myself to my flat and only socialised with my flatmates, boyfriend and people that lived in my halls. Because I couldn't go out as often even at all for most of the year I just went to pubs and bars my friends dropped off the radar. I stopped getting invited to things and on nights out and even to things after uni like meals or just a drink. This isn't a boo hoo but for someone with anxiety it was easier for me to lock myself in my room focus on my work than it was to myther my friends and so it happened and I felt so lonely last year it increased panic attacks so I'd have them every couple of days rather than them being weeks apart like in first year and I'd just lie in bed upset because I felt so lonely even though I had amazing people around me. But that's anxiety for you.
It was then I realised some people are worth making the effort for and if you go to uni and someone DOSENT like you. It's okay. You can't be everyone's cup of tea. They might only drink herbal hippie tea and you're a iced frappe. Some people just clash and things don't work even though it seems they might at first. But don't you change into an iced frappe. Keep on being herbal tea. Becuase being you is okay. And not everyone is going to like you. It's just a part of life. You can't be everyone's friend and you can't be everyone's enemy. Sometimes having a small group of friends is better than a huge group. Real people you trust and care for you. I do miss my friends and I apologise for distancing myself, but I'm making a promise in my third and final year I'm going to make more of an effort. But that's who I am and distancing myself is what I do. And if I'm not your cup of tea then jog on and drink some coffee instead.
Thanks for reading,
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